Thoughts in the cold morning...
It's 11oF. right now. Not quite as cold as in the Northeast, though.
Everyone is still asleep but me. All is dark and quiet.
I sort-of feel like Christmas didn't actually happen. I don't know why exactly. I didn't play much Xmas music beforehand, but that seems to be due to the fact that I associate that with driving over to the radiation oncology department each morning. It was comforting then, but now that's what I think of---kind of Pavlovian.
I think I need a new little tree this year. The other thing I haven't been doing a lot in the last few years is have the Xmas lights on much. We have a ceramic tabletop tree. And it tends to heat up when it's been on for very long. I need to get a little tabletop tree I can put a sting or so of lights on, then little ornaments (which I *think* we still have some of).
Maybe some of it had to do with the relentless promotion of Xmas so very far in advance, so that by the time it got here, one was glad to have it over and be ready "for the next thing." I didn't think I would *ever* feel like that. :-(
And then shortly after Xmas, we lost Ian. Absolutely no way to savour the 12 days...so hard getting through the grief.
Such a rambling. I just want to figure out what "went wrong" or was missing, so that I can avoid that this next Xmas.
Heh. But before that, we have the 17 YEAR LOCUSTS (cicadas) to look forward to. So loud, so many, so everywhere!
Everyone is still asleep but me. All is dark and quiet.
I sort-of feel like Christmas didn't actually happen. I don't know why exactly. I didn't play much Xmas music beforehand, but that seems to be due to the fact that I associate that with driving over to the radiation oncology department each morning. It was comforting then, but now that's what I think of---kind of Pavlovian.
I think I need a new little tree this year. The other thing I haven't been doing a lot in the last few years is have the Xmas lights on much. We have a ceramic tabletop tree. And it tends to heat up when it's been on for very long. I need to get a little tabletop tree I can put a sting or so of lights on, then little ornaments (which I *think* we still have some of).
Maybe some of it had to do with the relentless promotion of Xmas so very far in advance, so that by the time it got here, one was glad to have it over and be ready "for the next thing." I didn't think I would *ever* feel like that. :-(
And then shortly after Xmas, we lost Ian. Absolutely no way to savour the 12 days...so hard getting through the grief.
Such a rambling. I just want to figure out what "went wrong" or was missing, so that I can avoid that this next Xmas.
Heh. But before that, we have the 17 YEAR LOCUSTS (cicadas) to look forward to. So loud, so many, so everywhere!
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